Cheesiest title ever. Okay, I can't claim that, but for now, we'll pretend I took Gold in the Cheesiest Title Ever.
Today hasn't been great.
Actually there have been several bad days lately. I can basically hear all the "life's what you make it" believers chiding me for allowing the day to be bad. Hey, I'm also a believer that it's what you make it, but sometimes you just have a bad day, and you should be allowed to call it such.
I feel like I'm losing grip on my emotions. I'm negative, I'm angry, I'm exhausted, I'm low, low, low and it has nothing to do with Apple Bottom jeans or boots with the fur.
I'm so tired.
Thank goodness this isn't me all the time, but the past five-ish days have been a nightmare. Something comes and sucker punches me when I'm not looking.
One tiny Bad Thing (or maybe not so tiny, depending on perspective) bites me and I'm poisoned for the rest of the day. I'm not the type that can easily shake the bad off. It follows me around all day.
So right now, I'm trying to pump myself up. I was sitting the bathroom trying to think of a mood booster. But the problem is when I feel this way, negative and exhausted, all that I usually do for enjoyment loses its appeal. I don't want to read. I don't want to write. Who ever thought I was talented at writing anyway? Me, an author? Don't make me laugh. That isn't me. I'm not good enough.
I almost felt like running tonight, but it's cold and this stupid cough I have won't go away.
I'm waving my white flag, universe. I surrender. Please call off the fighting and give me a break.
It's not that this battle is that horrible, compared to so many others who have it infinitely worse than I do, but it's hard to look at other people's suffering when I feel like I'm drowning myself. That's what the hardest about my situation. I'm the one holding me under the water. I just don't know how to shake myself off and stand up.
Or maybe I do know, it's just easier to let go.
No comments:
Post a Comment