Gratitude

It's the day before Thanksgiving. A lot of people do challenges the entire month of November, where they post what they're grateful for once a day. I should have done something like that, spent more of this month with a thankful attitude for all that I have instead of focusing so much on and complaining about what I don't have. If I made a list of things I don't have in my life compared to what I do, one can definitely tell how fortunate I am.

The biggest "don't have" would probably be: I don't have a clue what I want out of life. That's something I need to figure out ASAP.

But here is a list of what I do:

My family

My friends

Awesome coworkers

A job

A place to live

Money to buy books

BOOKS!

My puppies and kitties

Parents who cook delicious food for me to eat

An education

A car

Music

Clothing to keep me warm

A bed

Clean water

Heating and air condition

Movies

Netflix

Writing

Religion

Freedom

That's only what I could think of on the top of my head. There are vaguer things, like the fact I usually laugh at least once a day, even on my worst days. 

This is a good life. There are things I wish I would change, but all in all, there's not much to complain about. Especially when I humble myself and realize that I have a life others would want if they could have it. I can always look both ways. I can find someone who has a life I view as better than mine, but there is someone who would love what I have. 

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I want to seriously contemplate on the blessings. This year hasn't been the best, but if we keep holding onto the beauty and the light around us, we can't lose hope. 

Happy Thanksgiving. May tomorrow be wonderful. 

Short Stories

I already know I need to totally rewrite this current novel. It's awful. But the one positive thing is that it's given me an opportunity to play with short stories. I've always been fascinated by an author's ability to tell a start-to-finish tale in the form of a short story. 

Louis L'Amour wrote many of them. I love his work, but I haven't read many of his collections. I'm more acquainted with his full length novels, but I really need to pick up more of his short stories. That and check out other people's work. If I'm going to start writing more short stories, I'll need to study them a little better.

Originally I pulled up this blog post to complain about writing myself into corners and feeling like a failure at my work and that there are so many brilliant writers out there, and I'm definitely not one of them. What good is that? I love it. I want to get better at it. If I pick something to study, to practice at, I'll improve. But if I just sulk in the kitchen, where I'm writing from the table, I'll never get anywhere. I'll quit.

I can't live with myself if I let that happen. 

Glass Half Empty And Getting Lower

I've never been a positive person. For as long as I can remember, I've had self-esteem issues. I don't believe in myself. I tell people I'm realistic, but reality to me is apparently pretty bleak. And you know what? I'm tired of it. It's exhausting to be that negative. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and that's nigh impossible when I block the sun out with my sad rain cloud.

Things are tough right now. Work is not what I want it to be. Dating is... Well, let's just say I've always sucked at dating. Maybe I'm not even ready for commitment.

And it's starting to get cold outside. I hate the cold. My favorite kind of cold is when I can stay in bed, or wrap up in a blanket and read, while the windows frost up and snow blankets the ground. 

What is my life supposed to be like? Whatever I want. What do I want? Nothing and everything. I wish I could be specific. I wish I could be brave enough to go after the things I think I want. I wish I had some clarity.

I need to be more positive. Even when surrounded by many negative circumstances, I have to choose to find the light. 

I'm so tired. But I can get better. I have to believe I can get better. 

How To Guide On Writing

So you want to be a writer. How? Allow me to tell you.

Drum roll, please.

You write.

Okay, I'm not the first person to say this. Nor will I be the last. But it seriously is that simple (and complicated). You sit down and you tap into whatever levels of determination you have. There will be days the words come so easily. There will be days you have to force yourself to sit there and continue your plot line.

There will be days that you wonder if you even like writing. There will be days you think you might hate it.

But at the end of the day, the thing that makes you a writer is the act of writing. That no matter what kind of day you're having, be it one where your fingers/pen/pencil are constantly on the move or one where you do more staring than actual working (full of second-guessing yourself and your potential), you just keep going. Ten words or thousands of them, you keep going. 

Right now, I'm having problems. I can't focus. Too much is going on around me. I've wondered if I need to start getting out of the house to write. Sometimes music just isn't enough to block out home life, or maybe I'm more interested in home life than my fictional one. And yeah, if Supernatural is being played on the TV, nothing's getting done. Why would I give myself a headache trying to force words out when I could stare at the Winchesters instead?

So step one, you write. Write always. 

But step two, forgive yourself. If you slip up, if you don't write a single word (I've had many of those days. Yesterday was one of them), forgive yourself. Just go at it again tomorrow. 

Step three, you have got to let go. First drafts are never pretty. They haven't gone through puberty yet. Actually they're not even born! They're stuck in the oven, baking, and nothing looks great when it's still cooking.

Believe in yourself. Believe in the worlds you have in your head. They're beautiful, and they're yours. Those characters are yours. That work is yours. OWN IT! Be proud of it!

You can be a writer. You are a writer! 

Now click off this blog post and write something. 

Behind On Words

I'm several thousand words behind for my novel during this NaNoWriMo. I'm starting to do that thing again where I compare my writing with some of my favorite authors and discourage myself. There's no way I can write as beautifully. My plots are dryer, not as smooth. My characters are one dimensional.

I'll never write something gripping, wonderful, and a fan favorite.

But I can't think like that, or I'll take the love right out of writing. 

It's hard, because I don't know what to do with myself when I feel this way. Plow through it mostly. Work's been very draining lately, making it hard to pump myself up when I get home. Maybe I'll just have to relax more, read more, daydream more. If I don't win this NaNo, that's okay. I still have words I didn't have before.

Election 2016

America voted and, well, let's just say that I'm not happy with the results. Although to be honest, if it turned out to be in the other candidate's favor, I wouldn't be happy then either. Still, that being said, there is definitely some scary things happening. I do not trust Trump. I do not like Trump. And I also hate the way the nation is dividing even more.

Hate is a fire that destroys everything it touches. People hating people, a man who leads with hate, it's all destruction. 

But love conquers all. If we as a people remember to love, to be kind, to have courage, to speak against evil, to rise against bullies, to put enemies in their place, then we can win. I pray that we can do that. I pray that we won't let the hate spread, changing targets and tearing us further apart.

This is not what Americans deserve. We deserved better. But we settled for slop. 

Remember this quote? A house divided cannot stand? Well, a house unified can stand anything. 

The world is dark. Become a light. 

Spread that light. Encourage other lights to shine.

Don't give up.

Don't bow down.

Don't allow bullies to stomp over you. Don't turn away if bullies attack the defenseless. 

We know what is right, no matter who our leader is. We know what is right, no matter what voices around us might chant and insist. We know what is right, and as long as we defend it, we will find comrades. We will find friends. We will find fellow human beings who share our values. 

I'm praying for America. I'm praying for the citizens. I'm praying for me, that I can always know what is good and right, that I can have courage, that I will stand firm against the tide as it comes. 

Stay safe, everyone. Stay hopeful. Stay brave. Stay lovely. And look out for each other.