I've never been a positive person. For as long as I can remember, I've had self-esteem issues. I don't believe in myself. I tell people I'm realistic, but reality to me is apparently pretty bleak. And you know what? I'm tired of it. It's exhausting to be that negative. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and that's nigh impossible when I block the sun out with my sad rain cloud.
Things are tough right now. Work is not what I want it to be. Dating is... Well, let's just say I've always sucked at dating. Maybe I'm not even ready for commitment.
And it's starting to get cold outside. I hate the cold. My favorite kind of cold is when I can stay in bed, or wrap up in a blanket and read, while the windows frost up and snow blankets the ground.
What is my life supposed to be like? Whatever I want. What do I want? Nothing and everything. I wish I could be specific. I wish I could be brave enough to go after the things I think I want. I wish I had some clarity.
I need to be more positive. Even when surrounded by many negative circumstances, I have to choose to find the light.
I'm so tired. But I can get better. I have to believe I can get better.
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